I don’t normally post religious things, or even really talk about my religion. But growing up I was very much involved in my church. Up until about 19 when I was practically forced to leave because I was looked down upon for not attending a school outside of the state. 4 years later and I have yet to find a new church where the people aren’t completely insane and judgmental.
But I think that’s when I started to feel down about myself, when I told myself that God didn’t want me because He practically ran me out of his own house. Why would I love someone who didn’t want me to be accepted? Didn’t want me to be loved? So I turned to people who didn’t love me. I started being promiscuous. Which honestly I have nothing against anyone who has sex. Great go for it! I did it. I waited 23 years to meet a man who I would fall in love with and who would show me the world. And in turn I’d give him the “special gift” just to lose my virginity to a random.
Before I had stopped going to church I never thought about losing my virginity to anyone but my future husband. Now I’m not saying I wanted to wait until my wedding night because lord knows I do not have that kind of self control, but to actually meet this man.
This article was me. When I stopped going to church, when I took of my “true love waits” ring, when I decided that the one person I was putting all my love into was not loving back. I gave in. I stopped and I turned to looking for that in people who didn’t care about me. This made me realize that I need religion in my life, I need to realize that I can’t go chasing men to fill this void because they never will. And I’m always going to get myself hurt.